We travel through each day lugging all this emotional and mental baggage, and our life is spent in a perpetual state of “What if I had done it differently?”

It’s not meant to be like this.

What’s done is done. It is time to move on.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not propagating a carefree existence in which we shovel obliviousness into every recess of our mistakes, effectively burying them under a bed of thorn-less roses and skipping off into an ideal sunset.

What I mean is what the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (peace be upon him) taught us:

“Seek help from Allah, the Most High, and do not lose heart, and if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, don’t say: If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so, but say:

Allah did that what He had ordained to do and you saying “if” opens the (gate) for the Shaytaan.” (Muslim, Book 33: Destiny, Number: 6441)

To read the full post click here

If you’ve been putting off your dreams because you feel that you don’t have enough money to get started, or don’t have the necessary education or qualifications, I’ve got news:  you may never have what you need to feel ready.

Do you think any of the Prophets felt ready when they were chosen? The Messenger of Allah Muhammad (sws) received the first revelation, then ran home and hid under a blanket. The Prophet Musa (as) was confused and frightened when he entered the valley and heard a voice commanding him:

“Verily! I am your Lord! So take off your shoes, you are in the sacred valley, Tuwa. And I have chosen you. So listen to that which is inspired to you. Verily! I am Allah! La ilaha illa Ana (none has the right to be worshipped but I), so worship Me, and perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat) for My Remembrance. Verily, the Hour is coming and My Will is to keep it hidden that every person may be rewarded for that which he strives. Therefore, let not the one who believes not therein (i.e. in the Day of Resurrection, Reckoning, Paradise and Hell, etc.), but follows his own lusts, divert you therefrom, lest you perish.” (Quran, Surat Taha, 12-16)

When Musa threw the staff down and it became a snake, again he was frightened. Allah directed him to have courage, and pick it up, and when he touched it, it was restored to its former shape. When he was commanded to go to Egypt to free the Israelites and reform his people, he felt unready for this mission. He had a speech impediment and was afraid that he would not be able to speak convincingly. He sought permission from Allah to take his brother and fellow Prophet Harun (as), who was an eloquent speaker. Permission was granted.

This illustrates another important point – that everyone needs a wingman sometimes. We’re not always strong enough to do it alone. Sometimes we need a friend, an ally, a supportive spouse, just one person who believes in our mission and is willing to help, or just put an arm around our shoulders and say, “I believe in you.” If you have someone like that, he or she is a treasure and a secret weapon.

When it comes to the most important things in life, no one is ever ready. All you can do is stand tall, build a bonfire of resolve in your heart, and move. The time to do what you dream is now. Consider Abu Bakr (ra), who clearly knew how to embrace opportunities. When he saw the slave Bilal (ra) being tortured, he bought him from Umayyah bin Khalaf and freed him. He freed many other oppressed Muslim slaves in the same way. When Abu Bakr’s father saw this, he said: “My son, why are you buying these weak slaves then freeing them? Why don’t you at least keep them so that you can make use out of them?” Abu Bakr replied: “My father, I am only doing this to seek the Countenance of Allah.”

To read the full article please visit: http://muslimmatters.org/2011/09/20/if-not-you-then-who/ 

Taken from: http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/character/excerpts-from-imam-ghazali%E2%80%99s-ten-principles-for-those-seeking-the-path-of-allah/

Translated and abridged by Webb Translators

Principle One: Have a sincere, unwavering intention.  Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “each person will be rewarded for what he intended” (Muslim). This calls for determination in the heart to continuously act or to abstain from something only for God’s sake. A sign of having sincere intentions is that one does not change his resolve for fleeting reasons; what is done for God, the Truth, should not be forsaken to please His creation.

Principle Two: Work purely for God, (the One) without partners or associates. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “worship God as though you see Him, but if you do not see Him (know that) He sees you” (Muslim). A sign of working purely for God is to not accept anything except the truth, and to see everything else besides the truth as vain and fleeting. As the prophet ﷺ said, “Let the slave of the dinar perish” (Bukhari). One should also beware of falling into doubtful matters. As Prophet Muhammad ﷺ: “Leave what is doubtful for what is not doubtful” (Tirmidhi and Nasa’i).

Principle Three: Align one’s desires with the guidelines and rulings of the Shari`ah (Islamic law). Be patient in times of hardship and difficulty, when struggling with personal desires, and in avoiding sinful acts and pleasures. Whoever practices this regularly reaches a state whereby he is in his sleep as if he were awake [worshipping], in his mixing with people as if he were in seclusion, in his fulfillment as if he were hungry, in his pride as if he were humiliated, and in talking to others as if he were silent.

Principle Four: Base one’s actions on following [the prophet’s way and scholarly opinions], and not on innovation. This prevents the following of one’s own desires and becoming proud of one’s own opinion. Surely, a person who takes himself as his own ruler will not succeed.

Principe Five: Have high ambitions, and do not procrastinate. It is said: “do not leave today’s work until tomorrow,” because actions are built on each another; and whoever is content with a lower [status] will be deprived of a higher one.

Principle Six: Be aware of one’s incapability and insignificance. This is not referring to laziness in worship or lack of productivity in work. It is about realizing that one is not capable of doing any action without support from God, the Most Capable, and Most Generous. This awareness is also manifested in viewing other people with respect and reverence, for people are means and helpers of one another on the path to God, the Exalted and Most Bountiful.

Principle Seven: Have fear and hope, and do not be sure that your good deeds are accepted until you have witnessed this [on the day of Judgment]. One should have hope not because of the good deeds themselves, but because God Himself is the Most Benevolent and Generous.

Principle Eight: Be consistent in one’s wird (regular litany of worship), for the one without a wird does not have additional source of support from God.  With a wird, the soul opens up in public and private; it becomes more mindful of the rights of others; it increases in loving and hating for others what it loves or hates for itself.  Also, having that wird makes one work more for God in order to please Him, just as a person would love that God does for him what he finds pleasing.

Principle Nine: Be constantly observant of your actions and do not stray away from the remembrance of God even the blink of an eye. For the one who is always observant of his heart for the sake of God, and does not let other than God enter his heart besides, is one who has truly found God, experienced His Benevolence, and has reached ‘ilm al-yaqeen (certain knowledge). This is manifested in seeing God as the Enabler or Mover of everything that remains still or in motion around us. One’s mindfulness then increases from there until he recognizes that God is the Sustainer of everything, so His interaction with the creation is characterized by the best of manners. (Exemplifying this), the Prophet ﷺ said: “My Lord taught me good manners, and He gave me the best of manners.”

Principle Ten: Know what one should be occupied with, both internally and externally for whoever thinks that he is not in need of obeying [God and His messenger] is a broke man who is in opposition to God’s words: “…Say ‘If you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you’ ”(Qur’an 3:31).  This is the foundation upon which have been built castles like no other.

Original article: http://muslimmatters.org/2010/02/25/raising-children-with-deen-and-dunya/

By Hina Khan-Mukhtar

I still vividly remember the first night I spent by myself in the hospital after delivering my eldest son Shaan.  The guests were gone for the day, the hallway lights were dimmed, the nurses were speaking outside my room in muted tones.

“Knock, knock!” came a cheerful voice from the doorway.  “Someone’s hungry and wants his mommy!”

The nurse wheeled in the crib that held my newborn, only a few hours old at the time.  She cooed over him as I struggled to sit up, then efficiently handed him into my waiting arms, bustling out of the room after giving me a few words of encouragement.

I pulled the blanket away from his cheek and smiled in awe at this fragile, little creature who was being left alone with me for the first time ever.  I felt privileged to be trusted with his care, overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility.  No one was watching over my shoulder; he was all mine and I could do whatever I wanted.

I felt it was an appropriate time to take care of something that no one had thought of arranging so far — introductions.

“Assalaamu alaikum,” I whispered to the warm bundle nestled against my chest, “I’m your mommy.”  I stroked his face and then asked the rhetorical question that every mother has asked since time immemorial.  “Now… how am I going to raise you?”

It’s a question that I have continued to ask since that first magical night in the maternity ward.

I’ve asked it of grandparents, parents, sons, and daughters.  I’ve asked it of Pakistanis, Indians, Afghans, Arabs, Americans, Asians, and Africans.  I’ve sat people down at parties, emailed friends’ parents, called up aunties on the telephone, and stopped uncles on their way out the door.  Any family whose practice of Islam has impressed me, any child whose manners have stunned me, any teenager whose conduct with his or her sibling has given me reason for pause, any adult whose balance of deen (religion) and dunya (world) has wowed me, I have accosted and asked,

“What exactly did your parents do with you?!”

“How did you raise your children?!”

“I beg you, tell me the secret of bringing up Mu’mineen like the ones I see in your home!”

What I have found in my years of “field research” is that nearly all of these families have stumbled upon the same basic secrets to success.  While many of them don’t necessarily know one another, time and time again they have given me the same advice, the same tips, the same rules.  I would catalogue their stories in my head, thinking I could easily remember them later.  So when I was recently approached with the request for an article on Muslim parenting tips, I jumped at the chance to put it all down in writing and thus preserve the valuable insights I have gathered over the course of the past twelve years or so.

Here then, for my benefit and yours, are the tips from the “experts”, the tried-and-true heroes who have worked hard at (and, insha’Allah, succeeded at) securing their children’s minds, hearts, and souls.  These words come from those parents — like you — whose primary purpose in life has been to direct their sons and daughters onto the Path they believe will earn them the Pleasure of their Creator and the respect of their fellow human beings.  Some of the advice may seem “common sense”, the type you could hear on any daytime talk show or read in any self-help book.  Other tips genuinely surprised me at how specific and unyielding they were in their insistence that “This is the only way”.  While there has been a whole variety of advice given to me, I have noticed a pattern emerging where the same ten “Rules of the Game” seem to keep reappearing in different shapes and forms; those dominant tips are the ones that I have chosen to focus on for the purpose of my article.

I have seen with my own eyes children under the age of ten who willingly set their own alarms to get up forTahajjud prayer.  I have hosted a young soccer marvel in my home who begins his day before mine by reciting Quran at Fajr.  I know of an Ivy League university student who insisted on turning the car around because she realized she had left home without giving her mother salaams (farewell wishes).  I have been acquainted with doctors who make more money in a single month than most people make in a single year yet choose to live in small homes with no mortgages so that their salaries can be spent supporting scholars of Islam.  My husband and I work with a young man who once flew with his mother from California to Jordan, then turned around and returned on the next flight home — all of this so that his single mother didn’t have to travel across the world alone.  I have witnessed fourth graders who were able to sit quietly with impeccable etiquette in front of Muslim scholars while the adults around them stretched, yawned, and sighed.  I have heard children silence their young friends with urgent reminders, “Don’t say that about him!  It’s backbiting!”

A sign of someone whom Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) loves is that when you see him/her, you remember Allah.  The examples I have listed here are all people who have caused me to wonder about my own station with Allah in relation to theirs; they have motivated me to at least try to change, to improve.  I’m sure readers will agree that, although Allah alone knows the hidden reality of hearts, these people at least seem to have triumphed both in their embodiment of the true spirit of Islam and in their practical participation in the dunya.  I pray that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) will continue to send examples like them into our lives so that we may continue to learn and implement that which draws us closer to Him.  Aameen.

1.)   Dua, Dua, Dua

“None of this is from us,” insists one mother of three UC Berkeley graduates who have never voluntarily missed a single prayer.  “Everything begins and ends with dua.  It is only by His generosity that we have been blessed with believing children; we had nothing to do with it.  Now that we have it, we try to hold onto it by showing gratitude and not taking it for granted.”

Every single family I have “interviewed” about raising children in this day and age inevitably began by reminding me about the power of supplication.  “Every success I have seen in my family’s life, I can remember having prayed for it first,” admits one grandmother of three huffadh (memorizers of Quran).   “If my dua doesn’t come true in this world, I have faith that it will in the next one, so I have patience.”

Another mother of four tells me, “I recited Surah Maryam every single day of my pregnancy.  I want pious children above all else — it’s all that matters.”

A convert friend of mine suggests that couples who are about to embark on the path of parenthood should ask themselves, “Why do we even want children?”  She believes in renewing one’s intentions on a daily basis.  “Who are we doing this for?”  When she gets embarrassed by something her children say or do, she questions herself, “Why am I upset?  Is it because I’m afraid that they’re doing something displeasing to Allah?  Or is it because I’m afraid that they’re displeasing people?”

Her unwavering dua is that her children live their lives seeking only His pleasure.

Many families shared with me their reliance on Salaat-ul-Istikhaara (Prayer for Guidance) before making any major life-altering decisions and Salaat-ul-Haajah (Prayer for Need) when desiring something they felt was crucial for their children’s well-being.  Whenever a blessing appeared in their lives, they were quick to pray Salaat-ul-Shukr(Prayer of Gratitude) as well.

“All that I have is due to my mother’s duas,” believes one mother of five children.  “She was the one who was always praying for us, even when we forgot to.”

2.)   Suhba (companionship) will make you or break you.

“There were times we sacrificed our own friendships in order to do what was best for our children,” a married couple of sixteen years tells me.  When pressed for reasons why one would end a relationship, they explain, “Before we had children, we had friends who ‘drank socially’, who played poker, who hosted dance parties.  Once our kids were born, we avoided those types of atmospheres.  Our social gatherings are now the type where both the respected elders and the innocent children feel welcome and comfortable.”

“It doesn’t necessarily need to be that it’s the ‘drinking, gambling, partying crowd’ that is holding you back,” muses a mother of elementary school children upon hearing the couple’s history.  “I have one set of ‘dinner party friends’ who believe in a ‘children should be seen and not heard’ philosophy.  They plant the kids around TV sets and video games while the parents socialize in other rooms.  Then I have another group of friends who engage their children in the adult conversations, who don’t keep the younger ones ‘out of sight, out of mind’.  It might surprise you to learn that my own kids actually prefer to be around the adults who actually care enough to get to know them.”

“Sometimes I look around at the people I hang with and I think ‘What happened?’” laughs a mother who has chosen to homeschool her three kids.  “None of these folks are the type I would have chosen as friends when I was younger, but I admire the way they live their lives and crave the peace and tranquility they trail behind them everywhere they go.  They have a sense of purpose and an awareness of Allah in everything they do.  I want to pass those qualities on to my own kids, so here we are.”

“Suhba is of the utmost importance.  If you sleep with the dogs, don’t be surprised if you rise with the fleas,” a respected scholar advises.  The words that struck me the hardest with their wisdom?  “When you sit with people of the dunya, you become a drop in their ocean, but when you sit with people of the akhira, the dunya becomes a drop in your ocean.”

“A person is known by who their friends are,” my mother always reminded us.  “Don’t ever assume that you are better than your friends.  No!  You are who your friends are.”

“I had a girlfriend whose company I really enjoyed,” remembers one mother wistfully.  “She was the best person to share a cup of tea with, to go shopping with.”  So what happened?  “She and her husband decided that they weren’t going to raise their children as Muslims.  Even though we liked each other a lot, we just didn’t see eye to eye on what was appropriate for kids.  There were certain behaviors in her home that were complete anathema to us.  I decided that I couldn’t have an independent friendship with the mom; at some point her kids were going to start influencing my kids, and we needed to part ways… so we did.”

One father confesses with a sheepish laugh, “I don’t know if our children are so God-conscious because of anything we necessarily did.  My nieces are very spiritual young women, and my own daughters were always drawn to them.  I think we got lucky that our children wanted to follow in their older cousins’ footsteps.”

“On the Day of Judgment, you’ll be standing with the ones you loved most in the dunya,” reminds another well-loved scholar, “so choose your friends wisely.”

More than one parent has gushed about the power a charismatic aunt or uncle, imam, halaqa (study circle) leader, or Sunday school teacher has had over their young ones.  Many of the adults gave up a good portion of their weekends, driving long distances to take their children to gatherings and events where they hoped their children would benefit from being around like-minded people.  “I firmly believe that no friends are better than bad friends,” states a father of five children, “but I did go the extra mile to make sure that my kids did have friends with whom they connected.”

“Sometimes kids start to tune out what the parents say because it’s all been said before,” a mother of a middle schooler smiles.  “My own parents told me to pray all my life, but it wasn’t until I connected with an articulate teacher who explained how prayer was for our benefit that I finally got the message…and it was my friends who led me to that teacher.”

________

To read the rest of the article, please click on the link at the top of this post (: This in compliance to MuslimMatter’s policy of the reproduction their articles on the Internet.

By Kashif  Naseem Dilkusha (original article here: http://muslimmatters.org/2011/06/28/saying-%E2%80%9Ci-don%E2%80%99t-know%E2%80%9D-is-half-of-knowledge/)

A few days back I attended a friend’s walima ceremony. There I met one of my old school friends who is, Masha’Allah, an active Da’ee and also conducts various Halaqas.

We sat on the same table with his other friends and relatives. Soon, as is often the case at Pakistani weddings, the discussion turned towards dinner timings. My friend exclaimed “This is not the sunnah time for dinner!” It was around 11:00 pm, which is a fairly customary time for a walima dinner in Karachi.

I was astounded to hear this statement, as just recently, I had been conducting some research about the eating habits of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) for one of my Friday sermons. Curious, I asked him “Did Prophet Muhammad prevent people from eating at this time?”

He was clueless! So I further asked him “Do you have any proof to verify your statement?”

“No!” he responded.

Then I explained to him what I myself had learned from my teachers that we should be very careful in making such statements because we will be held accountable for them.

Imam Malik ibn Anas was one of the most respected scholars of fiqh who ever lived. Once a man came to Imam Malik from a very far distance and he asked him 40 questions. Imam Malik only answered four of them and for the rest of the 36 questions he replied, “I don’t know.”

The man was surprised and asked Imam Malik “what should I tell people about these 36 questions for which you said (I don’t know)?” Imam Malik replied that the man should tell the people that Malik says: “I don’t know,” “I don’t know,” “I don’t know.”

Imam Malik said this 3 times.

I am a student of knowledge and as I move forward in my journey of acquiring knowledge, my lips are getting tighter and tighter. The reason for this is the depth of knowledge required for correctly interpreting a ruling and the implications for misinterpreting one. The degree of precaution our salaf used to take before arriving at a fatwa or ruling was tremendous. Furthermore, I am always amazed when I learn how much regard and honor our Salaf had for each other in spite of the many differences of opinions among them. Even though they may have differed with one another, one of them never said that the other’s opinion is not based on Qur’an or sunnah, rather they said that this is a difference in the interpretation of the evidence from the Qur’an and sunnah.

Contrary to this, we, the laymen Muslims, are often very casual and careless in passing judgments and fatawa. We never pause and think for a moment before issuing fatwas and declaring this is a part of Islam and this is contrary to Islam. Allah (SWT) has warned us against this on numerous occasions within the Quran.

I really feel apprehensive when people issue suchfatawa without having adequate knowledge about Arabic grammar, the principles of fiqh, usool ul hadeeth, etc. Before issuing any fatwa, or any judgment for that matter, one must know the related principles and modalities. Issues that appear very simple are often times surprisingly grave, especially when we consider the implications of changing them. Let me give an example with the following ayah of the Quran in which Allah (SWT) says:

“ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَءَاتُواْ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَٱرۡكَعُواْ مَعَ ٱلرَّٲكِعِينَ وَأَقِيمُواْ ”

“And establish prayer, and give the zakaah, and bow down with those who bow down”

Surah Al-Baqarah: vs. 43

Anyone who has even a basic understanding of Arabic grammar would know that the verb أَقِيمُواْ in the above verse is a fi’l amr, which is used for a command, and whenever such a verb is used it is an obligation to act upon it. From this ayah, the scholars interpret that salaah is obligatory, as the ayah clearly says:

وَأَقِيمُواْ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ

And establish the prayer…

And according to the same ayah, zakaat is also obligatory as the ayah says:

تُواْ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَوَءَا

And give the zakaah…

Furthermore, we learn that salaah with jama’ah is also obligatory as the ayah says:

وَٱرۡكَعُواْ مَعَ ٱلرَّٲكِعِينَ

And bow down with those who bow down

Now a question arises here. Do we interpret from this ayah that it is obligatory to offer sunnah, nawaafil and witr injama’ah also? Since the ayah itself does not seem to indicate any exception. I doubt that any of us would think that it is mandatory to offer sunnah in jama’ah. So why is there a difference?

It is because when one studies the Qur’an, ahadeeth, and other areas of knowledge deeply, only then is he/she able to understand the implications of a particular ruling. In fact, our scholars have exerted many years of effort and diligence in studying the Qur’an and ahadeeth in order to establish principles for understanding the shari’ah.

The same is the situation when it comes to the ahadeeth. Often times many of us read a hadeeth somewhere without checking the source and start issuing fatawa based on that hadeethwithout having any knowledge about the science of ahadeeth. The scholars have explained that there are numerous factors involved in understanding a single hadeeth including: time, occasion, purpose, objective, wisdom, etc.

So what are those of us who are not scholars meant to do?Alhumdulillah, Allah (SWT) is merciful and does not place a burden upon us greater than we can bear. He has provided us with the solution in the Qur’an:

فَسۡـَٔلُوٓاْ أَهۡلَ ٱلذِّڪۡرِ إِن كُنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ

“So ask the people of the knowledge if you do not know”

Surah Al-Anbiya: vs. 7

Of course, we do need to do a little bit of homework in order to ensure that the one we are consulting is a reputable scholar.

There is a proverb in Arabic: “Saying I don’t know is half of the knowledge.”

So, the next time someone asks us a difficult question related to Islam, first of all we should do our best to divert the question to a scholar; however if we do not know of any scholars, then we should never feel shy in simply responding: “I don’t know.”

Or, if we do happen to know the answer for sure, than we should always mention the name of the scholar whosefatwa we are quoting when answering the question. This is what Ibn AlQayyim  mentions in his book “I’laam ul Muwaqqi’een ‘an Rabb il ‘Aalameen.”

May Allah (SWT) increase us in knowledge and accept us in the service of His Deen.

And Allah knows the best!

Original article: http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/character/allah-is-with-the-patient/

“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Qur’an, 2:153)

In this stage of seeking tranquility of the heart, we will be building upon the verse the above. When we talked about things we need to know – such as thinking well of Allah and trying to understand tests, as well as things to do – such as connecting to Allah through our salah, making du`a’ – some comments that were received were along the lines of “I’ve already done that. But it doesn’t seem to be working.” No doubt, knowing we will face tests and trying to understand the reason behind them is crucial, because it enables us not to feel hopeless. However, difficulties sometimes make it hard for us to continue with the practice of doing things that get us close to Allah. So we must seek help not only in prayer, but in aspiring to be of the patient.

Patience – an Aspiration?

The Prophet ﷺ said that patience is a light (Muslim). The characteristic of light is that it shows us the way and allows us to see clearly. How does patience do this? Patience is linked with hope and trust in Allah. When something bad happens, we can force ourselves to be patient by reminding ourselves that with hardship comes ease and that after a period of hardship Allah gives relief. We can only be truly patient when we realize that everything is from Allah, and that is how everything is illuminated. It is the opposite of darkness and impatience. Impatience is darkness because it frustrates us, we can behave rashly and we do not see the wisdom in the delay. The Prophet ﷺ said “And whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.” (Bukhari)

Patience is an aspiration because it is not just something that we do, but rather something that we need to build in ourselves and adapt to different situations. Its importance is highlighted in the fact that it has been mentioned in the Qur’an over ninety times. We all know that nothing in the Qur’an is without purpose, so reflect on the fact that Allah is reminding us of this characteristic numerous times. Ali (ra) said, “Patience’s position to faith is similar to the position of the head to the body. If the head is cut off, the body dies.” Then he raised his voice saying, “There is no faith, for a person who doesn’t have patience.”

It won’t come easily, because we are humans and get tired. This shouldn’t be a cause for despair, because as Sr. Yasmin reminds us, with hardship comes ease. At the same time, being of the patient is what we aspire to, because when we do reach that level, Allah is with us. What does Allah being with us mean? Imam ash-Shawkani talks about this and he says Allah can be with us in a general sense (as He is with all human beings) and in a specific sense, which entails a higher level of care and love for those whom He is with. So when we read “Allah is with the patient,” know that when you embody the characteristic of patience, Allah is taking care of you in ways that you cannot even imagine, and that He is with you every step of the way.

Why should I aspire to be of the patient? It’s just too hard!

Allah says in the Qur’an: “Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” (Qur’an, 39:10)

Subhan’Allah, at-Tabari states that you will be given your reward without having to go through the meezan (scale) that other people will. Imagine! Another interpretation is that the reward you will be given is one without measure – only Allah knows the greatness of the reward for those who are patient.

Allah (swt) also says, “And Allah loves the steadfast.” (Qur’an, 3:146) Remember how we said Allah treats those He loves? Because He is al-Wadud, Allah’s Love is not silent; it will be manifested. Not only will Allah love you, but He will show you that love.

Moreover, the Prophet ﷺ said, “There is no Muslim who is stricken with a calamity and says what Allah has enjoined – ‘Verily to Allah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allah, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better’ – but Allah will compensate him with something better.” (Muslim) Recall the story of Um Salamah, who was so grief-stricken when her husband was killed. The Prophet ﷺ taught her these words and she said “Who could be better than Abu Salamah?” So Allah gave her the Prophet ﷺ.
Does patience mean I just have to wait around?

Sometimes we think being patient means doing nothing. Someone tells us “be patient!” and we say “give me something practical to do!” but if patience was not practical, Allah would not have told this to all of the Prophets (as) in the Qur’an. We just need to understand what patience really is.

Firstly, we need to know that there are different kinds of patience:

Patience with Doing Good

This means perseverance. The Prophet ﷺ told us “Know that with patience comes victory” (Tirmidhi). Does this mean victory comes by sitting and waiting for it? Of course not. The sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ shows us that this is not the case, because he strived to do good, and as he persevered (i.e. he was not impatient in the sense that he expected the result to be immediate) Allah gave him victory. Patiently persevering in doing good takes many forms: it can be anything that is praiseworthy in the religion – whether it is acts of worship, our relationships with people, etc. It is sometimes tempting to return like with like. If someone is rude to us, let’s try to be like Allah’s Name As-Saboor (The Patient). Despite all the wrong that we commit, He is patient with us and does not punish us immediately. If we appreciate this patience from Allah, should we not try to have the same kind of patience with people?

Allah (swt) wants us to strive for this kind of patience. For example, with the issue of qiyam al-layl (the night prayer), the Prophet ﷺ has told us, “Whoever goes to his bed intending to get up and pray at night, then his eyes overwhelm him and (he sleeps) until morning, the (reward of) that which he intended will be written for him, and his sleep is a charity for him given by his Lord.” (An-nasai, Ibn Majah) Why did the Prophet ﷺ tell us this? So that we never give up; we are patient with our weaknesses and continue to strive. This is what patience is.

Patience with Stopping Ourselves from Doing Bad

One of the types of people who is given shade on the Day of Judgment is the person who is tempted into fornication but resists and says “I fear Allah!” (Bukhari) It is much easier to fall into sin. But one who constantly prevents himself from doing bad, can be of the people who is beneath the shade of Allah. This requires patience and conviction; despite the hardship, we are doing something that is beloved to Allah. Nowadays we are taught to strive to achieve what we want no matter what. Although having ambition and drive is  good, it should not be by compromising our ethics. We may have to face setbacks now and then, but when we remember that our aim is for the akhira and not simply the dunya, patience is easier to inculcate.

Patience when Something Bad Happens

The Prophet ﷺ taught us that “patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.” (Bukhari) It is not easy to bear bad news and not lose it or break down. It is even harder to prevent ourselves from questioning something that is so, in our eyes, blatantly bad. Why? But as we said before, there is a reason for tests. This is why we are taught in the Qur’an to say “To Allah we belong and to Him we return” so that when are afflicted, we remember that nothing is outside the realm of Allah’s knowledge, power and mercy. He knows this is happening, and there is a higher purpose to it.

Examples of Those Who are Patient

The Prophet ﷺ is the best example. Despite being exiled from his home, losing his loved ones, being abused and suffering near starvation, he never wavered in his character. He was patient in doing good, patient in refraining from evil even when he was tempted with wealth and women, and he was patient when afflicted with calamity. All of his children died in his lifetime except Fatima (ra). He lost his wife and two of his uncles whom he loved dearly. Those who followed him were tortured. Yet he persisted in praying in the night, was described as always smiling and never hesitated to help people. His patience was in perseverance and never questioning the will of Allah.

Look at Prophet Ayyoub (as), who was not only patient with his affliction but he was content! He lost all fourteen of his children, his wealth and the companionship of the people because of his disease. Yet when he was asked to supplicate for Allah to heal him, he said “Allah gave me 50 years of blessings, should I not be patient with the same number of years of hardship?” He never complained of his illness. Of course, we should always ask Allah to help us (and Ayyoub (as) finally did) but what we should take from this is he wasn’t angry with Allah and never questioned His will.

Finally, ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubair (ra), one of the companions, had to have his leg amputated. While he was being visited by a friend, he said, “If you came to give me condolence for the loss of my leg, I already submitted to Allah with patience to reward me for its loss.” But the guest told him, “I came to inform you that your son fell down in a stable, and the animal stepped over him, and he passed away.” What would be the response of ‘Urwa of that moment? He said: “O Allah! You took one child, and left me many…You took one organ from my body, and left me many organs…O Allah! You tested me with my body, and you were kind to leave me with good health.  You tested me with the loss of my son, but you were kind in leaving me the rest of my children.” Subhan’Allah. May we all be of the patient!

Question:

I understand that hijab is required, and I’ve been wearing it for some time now but I feel like putting it on might have been a mistake.  I don’t feel like it’s made me become a better Muslim, and I feel almost like I’m deceiving people because they look at me as an example even though I’m still struggling with a lot of things. Also, if I take it off, is it really something Allah will punish me for? It seems like such a petty thing. Isn’t the most important thing having a clean heart?

Answer:

Assalaamu `alaykum dear questioner,

Thank you for asking this question which opens up a number of important issues, and for entrusting us enough to share with us some of what you’re struggling with. I ask Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) that He makes the words that I write beneficial to you and others who are reading, and that He leads you to the best decisions.

I’d like to start by addressing what I believe is the least important factor in this equation, and that is ‘what other people might think.’ It should never be the case that we alter our practice of Islam or our worship for the sake of other people, or what they might think or assume. People may be quick to judge or jump to conclusions, but whatever thoughts or opinions they have are strictly their responsibility, and not something we should be overly concerned with.

You said that you’re worried that wearing hijab may be deceiving, because people see you as better than you really are. But in truth all of us are sinners, and it is only from Allah’s mercy upon us that He is as-Siteer - the One who veils our faults and our flaws, and makes us seem better than we really are in others’ eyes. One famous scholar said, “If sins had a smell no one would come near me because of the stench!” Every single one of us has deficiencies and weaknesses, has made mistakes, has taken missteps or is presently taking them. We only do the best that we can, and any good deed that Allah grants us the opportunity to perform should be considered a blessing that we take advantage of. Instead of worrying about not being good enough, we can instead consider this as an opportunity to be thankful to Allah for concealing our negatives, and pray, “O Allah, forgive me for what they do not know about me, and make me even better than what they think.”

You will be hard-pressed to find anyone on this earth who can be considered ‘worthy’ of being a representative of Islam, because everyone has one dimension or another in their faith or practice in which they are lacking. However that doesn’t mean we should stop encouraging each other by whatever means are available to us.  There is a very beautiful hadithrelated to this issue:

Anas relates that, “We asked the Prophet ﷺ, ‘O Messenger of Allah ﷺ, shouldn’t we refrain from calling others to goodness if we don’t practice all good things ourselves, and shouldn’t we refrain from forbidding wrong things until we ourselves have abstained from all the bad?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘You should call others to goodness even if you don’t do all good, and you should forbid bad things even if you don’t abstain from all of them yourselves.’” (Al-Tabarani)

Remember that by wearing hijab you are not saying to others ‘I am Islam’, but simply that ‘I am a Muslim’, meaning – I am someone who is trying to follow this religion, who accepts it as truth, sees beauty in it and hopes to beautify myself with it.  I remember a quote attributed to Yusuf Islam: “Islam is not a state of being but it is a process of becoming,” – becoming more, become better, striving to reach that state of perfect submission and connection with Allah Most High, and May He help all of us achieve that, ameen.

You also said that you feel hijab has not really made you a better Muslim. A lot of times when a person first starts performing a good deed they feel an iman ‘rush’, a feeling of happiness at doing something good for the sake of Allah and energy to do more, improve themselves, etc. However, after some time, when that action starts to become just another part of a daily routine, it loses that power, and that increase in iman and excitement dissipates.

What a person needs, instead of focusing on those ‘rushes’, is a steady and constant diet of good deeds and spiritual nourishment. We cannot rely on one particular deed to ‘make’ us better Muslims. Instead, we have to take the reigns and make sure we are doing things regularly that increase us in iman, like recitation of the Qur’an, performing salah with consciousness and focus, dhikr, and so on. Wearing hijab can definitely be one of those things, but it is only one part of a whole that needs to be constructed. Just like exercise is important for good health, yet it has to be combined with eating right and many other things in order for the person to see the desired results in the end.

Also know that there is a direct relationship between a person’s actions and their inner state. We know that when someone is in a high state of iman it’s natural for him or her to start performing more good deeds. However, we may overlook the fact that the opposite is true as well – that just performing good deeds, even if one may not be ‘feeling it’, can affect us and change us. The limbs are inroads, and performing good deeds with them can soften a hardened heart, bring enlightenment to a closed mind, and give a person a feeling of rejuvenation and desire to come closer to Allah and do more positive things. I heard a scholar say that if one is feeling troubled, confused or in a low state of iman, “go quickly to action”; because good deeds can bring about that inner reawakening one may need. If we don’t see a change happening in us when we do a good deed, that doesn’t mean we should stop it but that perhaps we need to supplement it with others in order to gather the momentum needed to see results.

Thirdly, you are absolutely correct when you say that the most important thing is for us to have purified hearts. Allah (swt) emphasizes this in the Qur’an when He states that on the Day of Judgment nothing will be of benefit to the servant except “one who brings to Allah a clean, sound heart” (26:89). The question is, how does one achieve that? What purifies us and cleanses our hearts?

In our times we find that some people feel that we’ve reached a more ‘enlightened era’ in which spirituality can be derived solely from philosophy and ideas, and need not be bound by rituals and details of religion. However those who propound this notion forget that Allah did not create us as minds and souls alone – but coupled them with our physical bodies. We cannot deny the fact that we are body and soul, content and form, together, and each has its own needs and specifications for refinement. This is a sunnah of Allah in the way that we were created, and why prayer, fasting, and all our spiritual endeavors have very specific physical components. These forms house within them dimensions of meaning, but it is only from enacting them precisely that a profound spirituality can be achieved.

Purifying our hearts is the goal, but the means to reaching that goal is through the very real and specific physical prescriptions and commandments that Allah (swt) has given us. It is through His obedience and through following the teachings of our deen that we clean and polish our hearts. It is for this reason that I have to say that hijab is not something trivial. Anything that leads us to spiritual awareness, elevation, and purification – that helps us come closer to Allah – cannot be considered trivial or petty. Perhaps it is more likely that there are hidden depths within it that we do not perceive, or that we are not putting it in the proper context of its deeper purpose and meaning.

About punishment from Allah: a better way of looking at this issue is not considering the smallness or pettiness of the sin, but the greatness of the One whom we are sinning against. From His infinite wisdom, all-encompassing knowledge and vast mercy, in accordance to His Law – which is at its core about attaining benefit and warding off harm – He has instructed us to perform this action. In the Qur’an Allah says, ‘It may be that you dislike something and in it is goodness for you’ (2:216); ‘It may be that you dislike a thing but Allah brings about from it a great deal of good.’ (4:19) If someone chooses to step away from a prescribed action knowingly, we cannot deny that this is a sin, and that Allah holds us to account for our sins. However we always have hope in and pray for Allah’s mercy and kindness, as we know He can forgive all sins if He chooses.

In closing, I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from a Hadith Qudsi. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala said:

“My servant draws not near to Me with anything more beloved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him.” (Bukhari)

Know, dear questioner, that if you feel far from Allah, the solution is not to stop what you are doing and find a different way, but to persevere and continue on the path you are on, even though it is hard. This will make you beloved to Allah, and one who feels the happiness of being close to Him and being shaded by His Loving Mercy and care.

May Allah enliven and enlighten our hearts and grant us closeness to Him. May He make us people who love to worship Him, and through our worship become close to Him and gain His love. May He make our hearts firm and steadfast on ourdeen, and grant us strength and bravery in our spiritual struggles. May He guide us to the best decisions and make easy for us the path of khayr [goodness]. Ameen ya Rabb.

WAllahu a`lam – and He alone knows best.

Wasalaamu alaykum.

Being a mother is certainly not easy. As Allah describes in the Qur’an, “His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years.” (31:14). These weaknesses are often referred to as pregnancy, birthing and nursing. But that is just the beginning.

Mothers are in the daily “trenches” of changing diapers, helping with homework, cooking dinner, disciplining and running between work, picking kids up from school, and soccer games. These daily acts of service to her family can encompass her so completely that she loses balance and perspective of herself. When a woman loses the deeper spiritual significance of motherhood, she may feel that the duty of a mother is to martyr herself for her family by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of her own. But carrying all the burdens and difficulties is not the path to being a good mother. In fact it only depletes a woman, and may even build resentment, making her think that her children and her family “owe” her, as payback for her “martyrdom.”

As the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) taught us: “A person’s wealth shall not decrease with charity.” What better charity is there than the charity of a mother helping her family? However, as with all forms of giving, the reward is in the giving, not in what is paid back to us by those we give to. Indeed all forms of giving benefit the donor, when done right.

Motherhood is a journey that allows one to witness the growth of a child as well as instill growth in women by making them stronger and wiser. Allah blesses women with children and in turn mothers make a promise to Allah to nurture children into adulthood. Through the process of parenting children, one realizes that it is also about role modeling a balanced and healthy lifestyle to children. Being a mother is not being a martyr. Rather it is respecting the trust and responsibility of raising children as well as respecting yourself as a strong woman. Children will respect their mothers as women who service their families for the sake of Allah. The responsibility of motherhood makes a woman grow stronger physically, mentally and spiritually because she is tested in all areas. She learns to stretch herself to serve those around her with the ultimate purpose of pleasing Allah, while at the same time not losing herself. A mother should not simply become weaker through her giving, but stronger and more balanced.

Here are six ways mothers can find balance and stay focused in order to get through the tough days of parenting as well as enjoy the journey of motherhood:

1. “I will remind myself daily that my time with my children is precious.”

Childhood will end one day and my “baby” will soon be an adult. Our children are changing daily and maturing into an adult. Parenting is celebrating the everyday moments more than focusing on the milestones of our children’s life. Spending quality time with our children and making time to communicate and share with our children is what will be remembered. The mundane activities in our life are the ways we connect daily with our children, so we need to see them more as experiences of connection rather than activities we just need to get through and move on to the next.

2. “I will take care of myself.”

Physically, mentally and spiritually. By constantly giving attention to our children and husband, we many times forget to take care of ourselves or we put our needs at the bottom of the list. Some mothers don’t even put themselves on the list at all. But as mothers we can only give as much as we have, and if we do not refill our own tanks then we will have nothing left to give. Taking care of our bodies through exercise is vital for our physical health as well as boosting our overall mood and energy. Spending time exercising is not selfish, unnecessary or extra. It must be seen as a priority in order to be able to do our duty as a mother. Taking care of our mental and spiritual self is also vital because this is the area that is most challenged and drained from us when raising our children. The intention of our daily prayers is to help us refocus and slow down our hectic lives, especially as mothers. Since women are the “heart” of a household, we must find inner peace in order for the family to feel in balance. Finding and sustaining self-confidence and happiness will manifest to our children and husband.

3. “I am not a perfect mother.”

Many Muslim mothers have extremely idealistic views of parenting or high expectations of themselves as mothers. Our children do not need us to be perfect and they actually will easily forgive us when we acknowledge our mistakes and show our imperfections. We must accept that we will make mistakes which will be opportunities for us to grow and become smarter moms for future challenges. We need to forgive ourselves and release ourselves of the burden of striving for perfection. We need to eliminate the thinking that other moms have attained perfection and they do everything right. We can only do the best that we can with what we have and we should focus on the things that matter – our relationships with them. Dinners won’t always be amazing, the dishes won’t always be clean, and laundry will pile up, but when our kids become adults they won’t remember any of that; rather they will remember the time they spent and the conversations they had with us.

4. “I will make my marriage a priority.”

Children place a huge strain on a marriage, especially for mothers of young children. Many mothers focus entirely on the needs of their children and in the process neglect their relationship with their husband. Physical and emotional exhaustion leave women with little energy left to give to their husband and this attitude of “nothing left to give” can cause disconnection in the marriage. It is vital that we find balance in our marriage alongside parenting because not only is it good for our children to witness a healthy relationship, but it is also good for our mental health. The companionship of a spouse is one that will supersede our relationship with our children, especially as children grow older. We must maintain a loving connection to our spouse so that we can grow old together and be further bonded to one another after the children are grown and married. This means we can’t put our marriage “on hold,” rather we must maintain a bond of friendship and love through the trying times of parenthood. It is vital we spend time alone with our husband so that we can see each other through the lens of a spouse and not only as a caregiver to our children. Going on “date nights” and weekend outings as a couple is vital for the bond to be maintained and sustained.

5. “I will value my friendships.”

Connecting and sharing with other women helps us to realize the commonality in our struggles as mothers and women. Having sisters and girlfriends in our life makes us stronger because these relationships nurture us emotionally and help us manage the stress in our lives. Our girlfriends and sisters have a special place in our lives that even our husbands cannot fill or replace. Making time to connect with our friends will help us feel happier and recharged so that we are able to give to our children and husband. Talking to and going out with girlfriends is vital for mothers to boost their connection to other women. It will improve our moods and fill our tanks so that we can give to our children and better connect with our husbands.

6. “I will prioritize family dinners.”

Eating together as a family is a daily activity of bonding. Routines in children’s lives can foster a deep sense of security. Creating traditions such as eating together is meaningful to our daily lives because it is a time the family comes together to share their day and connect with one another. Research has shown children who regularly have dinner with their families are more likely to do better and make good choices with regard to friends, drugs and sex. Bringing everyone together daily will create a more communicative family dynamic, and the tradition of food, conversations and joy will be the memories that everyone will cherish.

Source: http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/worship/prayer/salah-lifes-forgotten-purpose/

Man has taken many journeys throughout time. But there is one journey that nobody has ever taken.

Nobody—except one.

On a vehicle no man has ever ridden, through a path no soul has ever seen. To a place no creation has ever before set foot. It was the journey of one man to meet the Divine. It was the journey of Muhammad ﷺ, prophet of God, to the highest heaven.

It was al Israa wal Miraaj (the magnificent journey).

On that journey Allah took his beloved prophet ﷺ to the seventh heaven—a place not even angel Gibreel could enter. In the Prophet’s mission on earth, every instruction, every commandment was sent down through angel Gibreel. But, there was one commandment that was not. There was one commandment so important, that rather than sending angel Gibreel down with it, Allah brought the Prophet ﷺ up to Himself.

That commandment was salah (prayer). When the Prophet ﷺ was first given the command to pray, it was to be fifty times in a day. After asking Allah to make it easier, the commandment was eventually reduced to five times a day, with the reward of the fifty.

Reflecting upon this incident scholars have explained that the process of going from fifty to five was a deliberate one, intended to teach us the true place salah should hold in our lives. Imagine for a moment actually praying fifty times a day. Would we be able to do anything else but pray? No. And that’s the point. What greater way than that to illustrate our life’s true purpose? As if to say, salah is our real life; all the rest that we fill our day with…just motions.

And yet, we live as if it’s exactly the opposite. Salah is something we squeeze into our day, when we find time—if that. Our ‘lives’ don’t revolve around salah. Salah revolves around our ‘lives.’ If we’re in class, salah is an afterthought. If we’re at the mall, the Macy’s sale is more urgent. Something is seriously wrong when we put aside the very purpose of our existence in order to watch a basketball game.

And that is for those who even pray at all. There are those who have not only put aside their life’s purpose, they have abandoned it completely. What we often don’t realize about the abandonment of salah is this: No scholar has ever held the opinion that committing zina (fornication) makes you a disbeliever. No scholar has ever held the opinion that stealing, drinking or taking drugs makes you a disbeliever. No scholar has even claimed that murder makes you a non-Muslim. But, about salah, some scholars have said he who abandons it, is no longer Muslim. This is said based on ahadith such as this one: “The covenant between us and them is prayer, so if anyone abandons it, he has become a disbeliever.” [Ahmad]

Imagine an act so egregious that the Prophet ﷺ would speak about it is such a way. Consider for a moment what satan did wrong. He didn’t refuse to believe in Allah. He refused to make one sajdah. Just one. Imagine all the sajdahs we refuse to make.

Consider the seriousness of such a refusal. And yet, think how lightly we take the matter of salah. Salah is the first thing we will be asked about on the Day of Judgment, and yet it is the last thing that is on our mind. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The first thing which will be judged among a man’s deeds on the Day of Resurrection is the Prayer. If this is in good order then he will succeed and prosper but if it is defective then he will fail and will be a loser.” [Tirmidhi]

On that Day, the people of paradise will ask those who have entered Hell-fire, why they have entered it. And the Qur’an tells us exactly what their first response will be: ”What led you into Hell Fire? They will say: ‘We were not of those who prayed.’” (Qur’an, 74:42-43)

How many of us will be among those who say “we were not of those who prayed, or we were not of those who prayed on time, or we were not of those who made prayer any priority in our lives?” Why is it that if we’re in class or at work or fast asleep at the time of fajr and we need to use the restroom, we make time for that? In fact, the question almost sounds absurd. We don’t even consider it an option not to. And even if we were taking the most important exam of our lives, when we need to go, we will go. Why? Because the potentially mortifying consequences of not going, makes it a non-option.

There are many people who say they don’t have time to pray at work or school, or while they’re out. But how many have ever said they don’t have time to go to the bathroom, so while out, at work or school have opted instead to just wear Depends? How many of us just don’t feel like waking up at Fajr time if we need to use the bathroom, and choose instead to wet our bed? The truth is we’ll get out of bed, or leave class, or stop work, to use the bathroom, but not to pray.

It sounds comical, but the truth is we put the needs of our body above the needs of our soul. We feed our bodies, because if we didn’t, we’d die. But so many of us starve our souls, forgetting that if we are not praying our soul is dead. And ironically, the body that we tend to is only temporary, while the soul that we neglect is eternal.

Originally published by InfocusNews

It’s 7:58 PM. You glance down at your watch and leap from your chair. Your Chemistry notes scatter as you dive into the couch. You grope for the remote. You flick the tube on . . .

Canadian Idol, your favourite show flashes across the screen. For fifteen minutes, your eyes remain glued to the screen as you watch scantily-clad women and men sing about love, lust and the luxuries of life. You bob your head in time with the catchy rhythms and smile.

“Dinner time!” your mother calls. You rush into the kitchen, heave something hot and edible onto your plate, and hurry back to the couch. You scarf down your food while commercials for McDonald’s and LCBO flicker across screen.

You glance down at your watch: 1:06 AM. “Just one more show”, you say to yourself. You grab the remote and flick from channel to channel. You settle on the Movie of the Week, Gladiator. Your eyes, still riveted to the screen, watch Roman soldiers stab and impale each other. Your eyes drift close.

Quality Family Time?
Television is a big part of society today. 98 percent of homes in America contain at least one TV set, and a third of all homes contain two or more television sets. Parents come home after a hard day’s work and sit down in front of their TV, in lieu of sitting down with their families. Hour after hour, day after day, this endless cycle of “TV therapy” continues. Kids learn these habits from their parents. In a year, the average child spends 1023 hours in front of a TV—more than the 900 hours they spend in school!

‘Action-packed fun’ or Violence?
The content of TV lends itself more and more towards violent shows and movies. Children who watch TV are more likely to be aggressive and commit violent acts.

Many TV shows and movies encourage the use of violence to the exclusion of anything else. The heroes exalted after they annihilate the “bad guys”. The selective media coverage of murders and catastrophes leads us all to constantly fear that something bad will happen to us.

Females who watched more than the average amount of violence tend to throw things at their husbands more often, and men who grew up watching violent TV shows are more likely to be violent with their wives.

Obesity & Laziness.
Extended periods in front of the television can be detrimental to your health. The time spent vegetating on the couch could be spent exercising or playing sports. While they’re watching TV, people tend not to notice how much they shovel down their mouths. Obesity, due to over-eating, affects one third of Canadians.

Allah (SWT) says in the Quran, “Eat of the good things we have provided for your sustenance, but commit no excess therein, lest my wrath should justly descend on you, and those on whom descends my wrath do perish indeed” (20:81). Two hours of TV a day—just four TV shows—are linked to a 23 percent increase in obesity.

Attention Span and Reading.
The seven-minute segments of TV content condition children to such an extent that the children’s attention span drops to seven minutes.
Children who watch a lot of TV find it more difficult to read. This is because reading requires children to move their eyes back and forth across the page, as opposed to fixing their eyes on one spot—like when they watch TV.

Fuel for Lust.
It is impossible to lower one’s gaze while watching Television. Channel after channel, program after program, and even during commercial breaks, TV bombards us with indecently dressed men and women and sexual innuendo, if not outright pornographic content.

Even seemingly-innocent programs, such as news, have begun to follow this trend. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says, “The furtive glance is one of the poisoned arrows of Shaytan, on him be God’s curse” (Al-Haakim).

Most television programming does not promote modesty (Haya) in men and women. A study shows that an astounding 55-65 percent of content contains sexual content in word or deed, yet only 10 percent of those make any reference to being faithful to one’s life partner.

TV Abuse.
TV obsession is no joke. Like substance abuse, TV can cause dependency and addiction. You may find yourself channel surfing when you’re bored, or watching TV for longer than you intended to. Ironically, watching more TV leads to enjoying TV less, yet many are unable to stop watching or even cut down on viewing hours.

Nine Tips To Dealing with TV
It’s tough to escape peer pressure when your friends keep talking about the clothes, the music and the stars. Today, Television defines teen culture. With its barrage of alluring advertisements and captivating shows, it tells you what is cool and what is ‘in’ and ‘out’. Let Islam, not the media, decide your dress code, morals, and values.

1. Watch what is Halal. Stick to the most “clean” material you can find. TV should be used with discretion to watch educational and insightful programs or decent entertainment.

2. Remove the TV from your room. Having a TV set in your own room encourages you to watch it more. You are less likely to be tempted by Shaytan to watch something indecent when you have a parent, a sibling, or a friend watching with you. Remember, Shaytan loves attacking people who are ‘bored’, sitting idle, or in a company of bad people. Keep the TV in the main room, where it won’t distract you.

3. Protect your heart from hardening. Frequent sinning through consuming violence, profanity, and pornography on TV hardens and blackens the heart. It may reach a point that the heart may no longer respond to reminders of death, Allah (SWT), or the Quran. Fear of Allah (SWT) may completely vanish. This is the worst thing that can happen to you!

The Prophet (PBUH) said: “The heart will be subjected to trial after trial, and there will appear a black stain on any heart that is affected. The stain will spread until the heart is completely black and sealed, to the point that it will not recognize any good deeds or denounce any evil, except whatever suits its own desires” (Sahih Muslim).

4. Adopt and support Islamic media. Hundreds of educational or entertainment multi-media products crafted by Muslim artists, writers, producers, and singers hit the market every year. These cartoons, movies, and songs could be enjoyable for the entire family!

5. Limit viewing time. If you have to watch TV, limit yourself. Write down a number of hours per week and stick to your limit.

6. Resist the urge. Are your fingers twitching to press that remote? Stop, step outside and do something. You don’t have to play sports, but do activities that make you happy.

7. Keep the box off when you’re doing other things. Whether you’re eating dinner, doing your homework, or reading a magazine, you don’t need the TV to be on at the same time–keeping it on simply encourages you to watch TV more and neglect other activities.

8. Use a VCR to screen material. Fast-forward dubious content, blitz through commercials, and stick with what’s good.

9. Have a TV free get-together with friends. Make the following rule: no one will watch TV or movies in the living room. If you want to go further, make it a rule that the topics of conversation cannot revolve around the latest twist in a soap opera or the most recent plot on a sci-fi show. Play basketball, go for a walk, do anything but watch TV.

And remember, Allah (SWT), your best Friend! He is there to help you. The Prophet told his close companion: “By Allah! Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better than it!”

Taken from: http://web.youngmuslims.ca/resources/brochures/91-tv.html